Dear My Little Yoni,

“How do I explain to my kids that not all families look the same? My daughter has been confused because her best friend lives with two moms, and that’s new to her. I want her to know that there are different parenting configurations, including LGBTQ+ families. How can I best explain this to her?” - Jeannie

First off, it’s completely natural for kids to have questions when they encounter something unfamiliar. Explaining to your daughter that families come in all shapes and sizes is a great way to support her understanding and development. By recognizing the diversity in family structures, she’ll learn that there’s no single “right” way to have a family, fostering acceptance and empowering her to envision her own future family in any form.

September is Sexual Health Awareness Month, and this year’s focus on “Love, Bonding, and Intimacy” provides the perfect backdrop for conversations like these. Healthy relationships, regardless of their structure, are built on love and mutual respect. Teaching your daughter about the diverse ways families are formed is a vital part of understanding that love is the foundation of all healthy relationships.

Diverse Family Convo:  normalizing it.

If you approach the topic calmly and matter-of-factly, your daughter will see that this isn’t something strange or unusual. Kids often take cues from their parents, so if you present different family structures as normal and valid, she’s likely to accept them in the same way.

Here’s how you can begin:

Explain that people become parents in various ways. Some parents conceive a child through sexual reproduction, others adopt, and some use a surrogate to carry the child. All these methods are normal and valid. Also, explain that some families have one parent, while others might include a biological parent and a non-biological parent.

It might help to share your own family story. How did you and your partner decide to start a family? If your daughter’s friend and her parents are comfortable, perhaps they can share their story too. Emphasizing that all these family types, including those with two moms, are just as valid as your own will show her that it’s perfectly normal.

Focus on the similarities rather than the differences. You can explain, “Your friend’s moms are just like us! They have rules about chores, homework, and bedtime, just like we do.” This will help your daughter see that even though her friend doesn’t have a “traditional” mom and dad, she has two parents who care deeply for her.

It’s also a good idea to talk about other family structures she might encounter. Some kids are raised by grandparents, aunts, uncles, or foster parents. These families are normal too.

The key message for your daughter is that, despite looking different, all families are connected by love. Her friend’s moms love each other just like other parents do, and they love their child the same way you love your daughter. Use this as an opportunity to discuss that relationships can exist in any combination—woman and man, man and man, woman and woman—and that love isn’t confined by biological sex or gender.

If you’re interested, our books ‘Yoni Magic: Breaking the Binary’ and ‘Yoni Magic: Loving LGBTQ’ can provide more insight into these topics. Sharing these stories can help your daughter understand that while families may look different, they are all normal, loving families.

This Sexual Health Awareness Month, remember that teaching children to respect and appreciate differences is crucial. It will not only help them accept families that are different from theirs but also help them accept themselves if they ever decide to have a “non-traditional” family.

Your daughter will likely understand and accept your explanation without much fuss. But if she has more questions about sexuality, be sure to check out our book, Yoni Magic: Loving LGBTQ+, for a more detailed guide.

At the end of the day, good families share more similarities than differences, and the biggest similarity is love.

Yours in understanding and acceptance,

My Little Yoni